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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/25454977">Loquacious</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/wanderingoverthewords/pseuds/wanderingoverthewords'>wanderingoverthewords</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Batman - All Media Types</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Domestic Fluff, M/M</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-07-23</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-07-23</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-05 09:33:45</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>2,026</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/25454977</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/wanderingoverthewords/pseuds/wanderingoverthewords</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Sometimes, Jonathan really doesn’t care for Edward’s chatter - especially when he’s as tired as he is tonight.</p><p>(Prompt request from Tumblr.)</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Jonathan Crane/Edward Nygma</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>5</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>69</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>Loquacious</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>Characters: Jonathan Crane, Edward Nygma; mentions of Bernie, Query, Echo, Oswald Cobblepot, Batman, unnamed bartender, Jervis Tetch.</p><p>Pairing: Jonathan Crane/Edward Nygma.</p><p>Warning: mentions of attempted murder, alcohol.</p><p>Notes: In which Edward talks too much and Jon just wants some damn sleep.</p><p>A WanderVerse fic.</p><p>All material belongs to DC Comics (although, my interpretations of the characters are used). </p><p>Prompt request from whats-a-clever-username on Tumblr from a Tumblr drabble list: "27, scriddler? :^)" (27 from list: "And then I was - oh, goodnight dear.")</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>It was no secret at all that Edward Nygma loved the sound of his own voice; he made it exceedingly obvious, the way he rapid-fired though topics of conversation, invited himself into chats, and got so amusingly annoyed when someone interrupted or talked over him.</p><p>One of the cons of starting a relationship with him, Jonathan had quickly discovered, was <em>his</em> ears were made the victims of Edward’s verbal onslaught. When Edward entered the same room as him, it was immediate, starting with the perky “Hello, dear!” and ending with the entire play-by-play of what he did that day. Usually, Jonathan honestly didn’t mind playing the audience to Edward’s life story, so long as Edward didn’t get in his way too much, but there were some times where it was just inconvenient.</p><p>Jonathan knew one of those times was coming when Edward came home that evening - because he had done so mere minutes before their usual bedtime, right after Jonathan himself had finished saying goodnight to Bernie and had started heading for the staircase.</p><p>He knew he was screwed as soon as he heard the “Hello, dear!”.</p><p>And so now Jonathan was laying in bed, staring at the ceiling with half-lidded, bloodshot eyes, with Edward laying beside him and babbling away, completely oblivious to Jonathan’s mood and lack of participation in the conversation.</p><p>“Query and Echo said this death-trap might be a little ‘overkill’, but you know what they say, dear: there’s no kill like overkill!”</p><p>Jonathan didn’t know anybody who had ever said that. He didn’t respond regardless. He’d completely missed Edward explaining his death-trap after zoning out; something about a trampoline and a barrel of napalm.</p><p>He would’ve been in a much better mood to listen to this information if he weren’t so exhausted. He hadn’t caught what Edward had been up to today, but Jonathan himself had been making good progress, had spent hours in his basement. His hands cramped from writing (being ambidextrous was both a blessing and a curse) and his eyes ached from having only a small lamp for a light source in a room without windows.</p><p>For once, Jonathan longed for sleep. Ironically, it was the one who built a new sleep schedule into him that was preventing him from doing this.</p><p>“ - so after finishing that,” Edward said, waving a hand in the air, “I went on my merry way to the Iceberg Lounge to meet with Oswald, entertain a few folks. Now, I know what you’re thinking, dear: ‘Edward, mah swee’ huhney,’ -”</p><p>Jonathan’s eyes narrowed.</p><p>Edward’s Southern accent was an abomination. And he had never referred to Edward as his ‘sweet honey’. ‘Honey’ on its own once or twice, when he was in a spectacular mood, but never ‘sweet honey’.</p><p>Imaginary Jonathan was apparently much more affectionate…and much more of a stereotypical Southerner.</p><p>“ - ‘whah woul’ ya go on down ta duh Ahceberg Lahnge an’ en’ertain duh Pen-win when ya coul’ come home an’ snuggle up with me?’.”</p><p>Imaginary Jonathan apparently also used the word ‘snuggle’. Jonathan Crane did not use the word ‘snuggle’. Not seriously, anyway. He certainly didn’t request for Edward to ‘snuggle up’ with him.</p><p>“Well, dear, you know I enjoy our bonding time, but sometimes, Eddie needs to spread his wings. I haven’t seen Oswald much recently - between me building my <em>groundbreaking, amazing, Batman-destroying</em> death-trap and Oswald’s love life - and there’s nothing wrong with me wanting to visit a good friend. My life doesn’t revolve around <em>you, </em>dear.”</p><p>Jonathan’s stare at the ceiling turned incredibly deadpanned and he almost contemplated responding to that irony. Instead, he sighed through his nose and said nothing.</p><p>“Now, let me tell you what happened at the Iceberg Lounge. So, I went to the bar and requested a grasshopper - my preferred cocktail, my <em>usual order</em> - and the bartender had the <em>gall</em> to say they didn’t know how to make it! Can you believe that?”</p><p>Jonathan didn’t care enough to contemplate if he did or did not believe this. He was a pint of beer kind of guy, not a cocktail drinker.</p><p>“What kind of bartender doesn’t know how to make a <em>grasshopper?</em> That’s what I asked them. I said, ‘It is literally the easiest cocktail to make, behind a <em>gin and tonic, </em>and <em>that one’s</em> in the name! My partner’s pet <em>mouse</em> could make it, and <em>she’s</em> a <em>mouse!’.”</em></p><p>Edward put a hand upon Jonathan’s wrist, turning his head to add quickly, “That’s not me insulting Bernie’s intelligence, Jon, I know she’s a smart rodent. I’m just saying, her stature and lack of opposable thumbs would make cocktail-creating quite a challenge.”</p><p>Jonathan raised his eyebrows, gaze upon the ceiling turning thoughtful.</p><p>He’d taught Bernie a few tricks, such as coming when her name was called, jumping through hoops and balancing on a rubber ball. He could probably attempt drink-making, set up some big domino effect sort of thing so she could gradually make a cocktail.</p><p>Probably make a mean Bloody Mary.</p><p>“So, anyway, they stammered out their apologies, saying they were new and whatnot, but I hardly think that’s an excuse for not knowing how to make one of the easiest cocktails known to man. It’s just crème de menthe, crème de cacao and cream, shaken with ice! That’s it! <em>Easy!</em> <em>Bernie</em> could make that, even with her thumbless, tiny paws, lack of hygiene and inability to read labels! And so -”</p><p>Edward’s words briefly faded away as Jonathan’s eyes slid shut, tiredness overtaking him. Edward apparently never noticed, for when Jonathan mustered the energy to open his eyes, Edward was still babbling on as if nothing had happened.</p><p>“ - we made our way to Oswald’s office, and he made some comment about you being available for work. And I told him that he needn’t be employing you anymore, I make enough money for you and I to live comfortably, and I’d buy you whatever you wanted. Well, he -”</p><p>Jonathan frowned.</p><p>They’d had this talk before; he didn’t like Edward buying his things for him, he wasn’t some charity case nor was he Edward’s arm candy for Edward to wave money at whenever he wanted Jonathan to come running.</p><p>Edward had laughed, said Jonathan would be the perfect image for charities to use in their pleads for money for the poor and that Jonathan had it the wrong way around in who was whose arm candy.</p><p>“I’m the pretty one, remember?” he’d said.</p><p>The most Jonathan allowed Edward to pay for was dinner on their date nights, and that was because Edward had been the one who wanted to go out in the first place; Jonathan was just going along for the ride and the free fancy food.</p><p>Another sigh escaped Jonathan’s nose as his sore eyes and heavy limbs reminded him of how tired he was.</p><p>This was all Edward’s fault; if he hadn’t trained a new sleep schedule into him, he would have all the energy Edward was apparently expecting from him to listen to him. Really backfired on him there - at least it would, if Edward would just notice Jonathan wasn’t paying attention.</p><p>By now, Edward’s speech had evolved into “blah, blah, blah, blah” to Jonathan’s ears, which was somehow more annoying and more distracting than when he’d actually understood what the hell Edward was on about.</p><p>Jonathan’s eyes narrowed as he gave another sigh through his nose.</p><p>He was too old for this…</p><p>The clock on Edward’s side table seemed to be counting the minutes Edward had spent chatting more than it was actually telling the time, and Jonathan managed to steal enough energy to lift his head and look at it.</p><p>Between his arriving home and now, Edward had managed to talk for half an hour without stopping, and still showed no signs of reaching the end of his story.</p><p>Dear God.</p><p>Jonathan glanced at Edward - who still hadn’t noticed his mood nor his movement - then looked to the pillow he’d just been laying on.</p><p>Been a while since he’d smothered someone, but he was sure he could still do it, at least enough that Edward would pass out or something.</p><p>…Oh, to hell with it. He was too tired to try that. Besides, he didn’t want to risk accidentally killing him, much as he was sure Edward would’ve fought back. If he succeeded, he’d have a dead boyfriend, which admittedly wasn’t something he wanted. If he failed, it would’ve just made Edward talk again afterwards.</p><p>Jonathan puffed out air through his nose, rubbed his face with both hands, then looked down at Edward.</p><p>Time to bring out the big guns.</p><p>“And so I said,” Edward went on as Jonathan laid back down, “that I know that Tetch is a useful asset when needed, but I am <em>not</em> sharing a cell with him agai - <em>Oh!”</em></p><p>Edward near-yelped when Jonathan suddenly reached out and wrapped his arms around Edward’s torso, lifting his upper body off of the mattress and rolling him over so that he would land haphazardly on Jonathan’s chest.</p><p>Jonathan tugged at him with a grunt, pulling Edward even closer so that he was practically laying on top of Jonathan, then, with one hand, he forced Edward’s head down so that Edward’s ear was pressed to his heart.</p><p>Edward stared into space for a moment, confused and disorientated, then slowly lifted himself to look at Jonathan’s face, frowning.</p><p>Jonathan stared back.</p><p>“…Well,” Edward said after a moment, “I’m glad that you’re feeling so affectionate tonight, dear, but, God, give a man a bit of warning next time.” He put a hand over his chest. “Nearly gave me a heart attack, there.”</p><p>Jonathan scoffed.</p><p>“Hm. Well, anyway,” Edward folded his arms atop Jonathan’s chest, making him wince uncomfortably, “back to my story. So, after we finished the chat about Jervis, that reminded Oswald that he had a funny story to tell me, and - oh, <em>dear,</em> when you hear this, you’ll just <em>howl</em> with laughter! So, I - Huh?”</p><p>Edward was brought to a stop when Jonathan put a hand to his head and forced it down to his collarbone, albeit gentler this time, then used a clawed hand to stroke at Edward’s gel-free, scruffy hair, running his fingers through the locks and scraping his nails over Edward’s scalp, in the way he knew Edward loved.</p><p>Edward’s expression immediately melted into content, smiling a dreamy smile and shutting his eyes like a pleased cat getting scratched in that one spot behind its ears. If Edward <em>were</em> part animal, Jonathan imagined he would’ve started involuntarily kicking a leg out like a dog.</p><p>“Mmm. Yes, well, I, uh -” Edward paused as a yawn escaped him, putting a hand over his mouth to block it.</p><p><em>That’s it,</em> Jonathan thought, peeking at him. <em>Nearly there.</em></p><p>“Ooh. Ex<em>cuse</em> me, dear. So, I then - Aw.”</p><p>Jonathan leaned down to plant three soft kisses into Edward’s hair.</p><p>“That’s nice.” Edward paused to yawn again. “Pardon me. And then I was -”</p><p>This time, Edward stopped himself, when he saw Jonathan slide off his glasses and place them upon his bedside table, after which Jonathan leaned his chin forward and rested it upon Edward’s head. This at least made Edward fully realise the position they were in, with him cocooned in Jonathan’s arms, their legs tangled together, his head now tucked under Jonathan’s chin, tight and warm and oh, so comfortable.</p><p>With an astonished blink, finally, <em>finally,</em> Edward seemed to get the message.</p><p>“Oh,” he said, smiling at their closeness, then he yawned, sighed happily and settled down against his partner, shutting his eyes, “goodnight, dear.”</p><p>Jonathan sighed through his nose, though this was one of relief. He didn’t value such physical intimacy as much as Edward did, but he couldn’t deny that this was nice, even if it was just a ploy to get Edward to shut up and sleep.</p><p>He stroked Edward’s hair some more (which definitely wasn’t part of the plan), then kissed the top of his head.</p><p>Against Edward’s hair, Jonathan muttered to him, “Tell me the funny thing tomorrow.”</p><p>Edward hummed his agreement with this plan and nodded drowsily, at which Jonathan smiled and settled down himself.</p><p>Worked like a charm.</p>
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